I can hear you knocking

I can hear you knocking but you’re not coming in!

I don’t even let the cleaner in here you know.

Think of the damage you could cause if you blundered around unenthusiastically.

I have thousands of DVD’s full of things I would rather forget.

Bad hair cuts.

Inappropriate comments.

People who should never have been kissed!

I’ve tried to get rid of them but I just can’t work out how to wipe my hard drive.

There are suit cases full of memories I’ve packed away and stored at the back.

I tried burning them once but I used quality fire retardant

because I thought they were important.

So if you think you got away with that nasty comment you once made, you can think again!!

There are dangerous issues in here that I would not like to subject you to!

For example, in that tar pit are the fossilised remains of some pretty scary fears!

Park toilets!

Tidal waves!

Urban snipers!

Doctors with facial hair ( Oh Yes!! It’s in there somewhere)!

There’s even a vast vat of inferiority that I won’t go anywhere near.

I really am that crap!!

So, anyway, you’re not coming in but if you’re still interested I’ll send you some photo’s.

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